Wednesday, June 28, 2006


After I was told that a sound knowledge of mathematics is absolutely essential for Salvation I decided too seek professional help. Having hitherto maintained a safe distance from anything that even involved addition and subtraction, I considered myself unfortunate. This was sheer bias and the playfield was not level. But nevertheless, as is my wont I braced myself for the challenge. They say the Regular Joe loves challenges. I disagree; I crave for them.

As was eventually discovered, it wasn’t easy. But I made rapid strides. I ingeniously discovered that one could use one's fingers for speedy calculation, which is stylishly referred to as 'Vedic Mathematics'. Needless to say that I was far ahead of my contemporaries in single digit addition. But subtraction proved to be a bit tricky since that required one to remember numbers in the reverse order too. But with all modesty, I would like to say that with the help of memory cards, memory plus and computers I overcame my shortcomings. Those days saw my emergence as adult prodigy.

But what ensued was unexpected. A change in my personality. My perspective. My language. The grand and poetic 'sans' that used to nonchalantly slip out of my tongue was replaced by the emphatic 'minus'. All qualitative descriptions were carefully weeded out and I developed a penchant to express everything in terms of numbers. Things* that previously elicited fantasies and spurred my imagination then reminded me of two successive neither positive nor negative numbers. Such was the profound impact, Mathematics had on my psyche.

After my inroads into mathematics, Physics was the next obvious choice.

With laurels tucked up my sleeve, You may wonder what I am up to these days. I am currently involved in correcting the mistakes of my previous birth.

E=mc2+1 is the correct relation. Apologies.

*The kinky side of The Regular Joe has been revealed here.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Playing Host

When my company decided to send me to represent the company in an exhibition, I intuitively realized that I was going to embarrass myself in a way that I'd remember for long. My left eye started twitching as it does whenever my existence is threatened. What my employers dint know was that I suffered from acute stage fright. And that I was Xenophobic.

The roster sheet announced that I’d play ‘host’ on Monday and Tuesday. The parasite that I’ve been all my life, I found it pretty amusing.

All was well until the first visitor came, no, until he spoke. He had been quietly going through the display for sometime. And then he asked. His question seemed to be well rehearsed. Must have practiced it inside.

There were at least eight different directions in which I could have run.

Obviously I was baffled. But I just smiled; just smiled, with the trademark innocent Joe’s look as accompaniment. The astute visitor soon realized that I had nothing to offer other than my winsome smile. But he was mistaken. I gave him the Brochures; and the mint box. He deserved it.

For all that I had to go through, it was worth it. I got a red tie with the company logo on it for going.